Got a big meeting coming up that has you quaking in your boots? Want to ask for a payrise but secretly not sure if you deserve it? Or do you just need a bit of help being assertive in saying “no” to your extended family who want to come and stay during your only quiet weekend this month? Sometimes we could all do with a bit more confidence. We are all different, and what works for one doesn’t always work for someone else, but here are a few tricks to try.
1) ‘Live’ through the conversation or experience in your head before it actually happens. Think about exactly what you want to say or do, and what may happen as a result. Imagine yourself there. By the time it actually happens it will be much less scary.
2) Use props. I once worked with someone who had to put on her ‘presentation shoes’ every time she had to stand up in a room and talk to more than three people. If that extra couple of inches in height or expensive tie make you feel better, get them out of the wardrobe!
3) Props don’t just need to be clothing. Shaky hands? Hold a pen. Jiggly legs? Cross them or hide them behind a table. Sweaty brow? Make sure you have a hanky to hand. Body language can give you away, so have what you need to give you the impression of confidence, even if you don’t need it.
4) Walk tall. If you look confident, you will feel more confident. They don’t need to know that your tummy is doing back flips!
5) Believe in yourself. You are you, and what you are saying is valid. Don’t let others sway you if that is what you believe in. Have faith in yourself, and others will follow.
6) Get support and validation. If you are wavering, then talk to someone who knows and supports you. Knowing someone else believes in you will help you to go forward with confidence.
7) Think of someone you admire. What would they do in this situation? How would they handle it? Model your behaviour and words on them.
And if things don’t go your way? Don’t give up! Life wouldn’t be life if we got what we wanted all the time. It is far less stressful to be flexible, take on board what has happened, and learn for next time. Change is an ongoing process, and whatever you tried differently this time is a great step forward.
Please share your own confidence tricks here, or let me know what has worked for you. If you want to book a coaching session to help you explore what you personally want to do differently, and to look at what will work for you, then please get in touch for an obligation-free chat and coaching programme.
Good luck!
Claire